This blog article is written by @theacosmos in addition to the EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE collection.
It took me a long time to come back to myself after leaving an unhealthy relationship with an emotionally unavailable person.
Lesson learned, I am moving closer to who I truly am and want to be.
Acceptance of ourselves and others is important, but more important is to feel ready for that inner work and support each other on the way of healing.
Dating an emotionally unavailable person was the hardest thing I've ever experienced in a relationship.
It was so uncertain and undefined, that even to describe it as "dating" or "relationship" feels wrong.
It felt like we had many things in common, not to mention great sexual chemistry and encouraging start made me hopeful about the future of our relationship.
But something always seemed to be missing. Apparent lack of investment made me wonder if he even likes me, but involvement continued, so I wanted to believe he must have feelings for me.
And he probably did, but little that I knew he was just emotionally unavailable. And it was so tricky to recognise.
I found myself in a loop of hopes and fears. Lack of emotional connection, honest communication and clarity on what is really going on led me to anxiety, depressive moods, and arising health issues. I lost myself, drained myself of energy and life force.
Finally breaking free from my own illusions I can clearly see for myself now, that even though my intentions were pure and I came from a place of love and genuine care, I am not able to help anyone who is not willing to help themselve. The change should be a priority for a person, and I have no power to change anyone who is not having it on their agenda.
Of course there are causes to every pattern of behaviour; attachment issues, old traumas, which leads to intimacy and commitment fears. But chasing an emotionally unavailable man really showed me I have issues myself to work on and that is definitely my main priority now.
I am grateful for this experience, as this is something I never explored before. I believe we get the lessons in life when we are ready for it, and I am proud of myself for going through that. And now it's just time for some homework, that inner work I have to do myself, and not getting attracted to avoidant partners anymore.
Setting boundaries is a big one for me, not being afraid to point out to something which feels not correct to me, putting myself first, and believing less in words and always, always trust the actions.
If you are experiencing something similar, know that I feel you and what you’re going through. As an emotional being it can be exhausting and intense to be with someone who isn’t. I know it’s heartbreaking. But you will make it through.