Why Words Matter – The Psychology Behind Affirmations And Mental Health Quotes

This is part 2 of our article series about Words That Heal. Read article 1 (75 Powerful Mental Health Quotes) or article 3 (How To Use Affirmations).

As humans, the spoken word is our most powerful tool. No other species on earth has such a deep and complex way of communication as we do. Imagine a place where people wouldn’t be able to communicate with words. You can’t really, right?

That's because the things we say define who we are, bring emotions to others and can influence the people around us. Also how we think about ourselves and how our inner voice is talking to us defines how we see ourselves.

I remember a time in my life where I felt really overwhelmed, like too much was going on and I was drowning. A very good friend told me: “There’s no rush in any of that. Figure it out, no matter how long it will take.” For many, this probably sounds really blunt and not very special. But for me, this was everything at that time. I was so focused on my negative thoughts and on the stress of having to get everything together immediately, that this sentence actually pulled me out and allowed me to slowly start managing things again.

Until today, I sometimes think about that when too much is going on and I don’t know how to handle it. It feels calming and brings me down.

Because of that, affirmations can have a huge impact on your daily life. They form new connections in your brain, which can make you feel better and give you strength for everything that life throws at you.

From the deepest place of my heart I believe that affirmations and positive self-talk change how your brain works. It can definitely improve your mental health, but it's not easy.

Let’s dive deeper into the science and psychology of affirmations, mental health quotes and how they can change you for the better.

Why Words Are So Powerful – Even Neurologically

The Science of Language and The Brain

Words change our brain directly. That’s a fact.

Studies show that only positive words like “love”, “peace” and “trust” already activate the parts of our brain that are responsible for empathy, one’s core values and emotional reactions. This is of course also true for negative words: When people hear words like “anxiety” or “fear”, the amygdala is being activated. It’s the head's fear center – you see, our brain physically reacts to what we hear or read.

There’s another really interesting study, that talks about the self-regulating effects of self-talk. Small changes in how we talk to ourselves (for example, saying “I can do that, I just have to practice” instead of “I can’t do that”) lead to reduced levels of cortisol, which is our stress hormone. 

Another observation that has become more popular in recent years is the so-called “Priming Effect”. It says that exposure to a particular stimulus influences how someone responds to something later on. A good example for that: When people read words like “competence”, “trust” or “confidence”, they score significantly better in job interviews. (Link to the study)

Just imagine that: There is a significant difference between the people who just read (!) certain words compared to those who didn’t read them before a job interview. Isn’t that fascinating? 

In summary, words aren’t just color on a paper or on your screen – they can change how you see yourself and even change your behavior. 

A very important factor in the efficacy of affirmations is their plausibility:

• If you read and repeat “I am perfect” every morning, this won’t be helpful.
• Your brain is very good at recognizing what makes sense and what doesn't.
• Saying something like “I am growing every day a little bit” that’s better. It sets the tone for the day and puts you in a good mood.
• The more often you repeat affirmations, the more new pathways in the brain will be created that will in turn make thinking positive about yourself much easier.

Emotional Anchoring

Repetitions of positive self-talk work, because our brain is actually built very simple in that regard.

The more often you say or think something, the bigger the “highway” for that particular thought gets. Let’s imagine you used to have a very bad self-image, maybe even from childhood onwards. Those highways are like super-interstates in your brain that are getting activated automatically in your default-mode-network.

This part in our heads is switched on immediately when we don’t have much to do and often drifts into self-reflection.

• When your default-mode-network is filled with positivity and good thoughts, you’ll feel good and calm in the times where you have nothing to do.
• If it’s filled with negativity towards yourself, it will be a very harsh critic. In people with ADHD the default-mode-network is constantly working on overdrive, very often with a lot of negative self-talk.
• No matter if you have ADHD or not – try to keep your default-mode-network positive towards yourself.

A good way for that is repeating affirmations every day.

Affirmations – Tool or Illusion?

For many people, affirmations work well and help them function better and more self-assured in their everyday lives. Others don’t believe in the power of affirmations. They see it as an esoteric quagmire. Who’s right?

What Makes an Affirmation Actually Work?

From my perspective, there’s no doubt: Affirmations do have a positive effect on me – if done correctly.

One big mistake people make when it comes to affirmations is the exaggeration of positives. It’s not the goal in life to be the best, the most beautiful, the most intelligent or the wealthiest. If you see life as a competition, affirmations won’t help you. 

As already mentioned a few paragraphs above, saying “I am perfect” won’t make you believe this. Even if you repeat it 24/7. Why? Because as human beings we are intelligent enough to separate realistic thoughts from unrealistic ones. Repeating the wildest non-truths about you in front of a mirror won’t help – unfortunately.

But there are affirmations that do work and that will make you feel better. I’m talking about the ones that motivate you while also being human, empathetic and grounding. It’s saying something like: “I am human. I can make mistakes and still grow.”

In summary, good affirmations are positive, motivational and realistic.

Why Some Affirmations Feel Fake (plus 5 Affirmations that don’t!)

Some Affirmations leave us with an empty feeling – our brain knows what’s believable and what’s not. 

If you say “I love myself” when you clearly don’t in that particular moment, this only leads to a cognitive dissonance that won’t help you in any way. Instead of healing you feel frustrated.

Therefore it’s so important to choose the right ones – the ones that are realistic, growth-oriented and catch you exactly where you stand right now. In the next section, let’s look at 5 sentences that you can use as your personal positive daily affirmations.

5 Realistic Affirmations you can use every day

“I learn to accept myself more and more.”

There’s no pressure to be perfect. Life is a process and you learn to be and exist in this world every day a little bit more – peaceful, grounded, lovingly caring for yourself.

“I work at making my inner voice more tender.”

This phrase focuses on the journey itself again, not on the ideal. It gives you credit for working on it, not on some superficial goal.

“I’m open to see myself exactly as I am.”

Nowadays, we often see ourselves through a distorted lens. It often leads to us accepting ourselves only in a special way, blinding out everything else. This phrase says: I’m okay – from whichever angle you look at me.

“I can make mistakes and still continue growing.”

This is about compassion with one’s own self. You know how you give friends credit and love, even if they made mistakes. Why don’t you give the same love to yourself? We all are living for the first time – mistakes are part of it.

“I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.”

The 21st century seems to be a time of maximal glorification of performance. While it was okay for our grandmas or even parents to just exist as they are (of course, these generations had many other very troubling and hard challenges in their lives and I don’t want to downplay it by any means), our generation seems to be the pinnacle of performance-thinking.

Nowadays, you don’t only have to be a good person – you have to be good-looking, have a good job, be intelligent, have a lot of hobbies, have a good social circle, yada yada yada. This kind of pressure is IN-SANE and everyone who tries to adhere to it will run into a burnout. 

Chill, be content with who you are and go for a walk. Every person in this whole world has the exact same value as a human being.

How Self-Talk Shapes Identity

The Inner Critic vs. The Inner Ally

Words can start a war, words can bring peace. As it is in every social interaction, this also holds true for your interactions with yourself.

We all have an inner voice. It’s the self-reflecting part of our brain that tends to be especially loud when we worry. But while it may sound normal to you that it’s rather negative, this doesn’t have to be the case. Let’s work on turning the volume of the inner critic down and the volume of the inner ally up.

“My inner voice decides how I feel.”

Let’s look at two direct examples on how to reframe your inner sayings. 

• You missed a deadline. Instead of saying to yourself “That's so typical of you. You don’t manage to do anything!” say “Okay. That wasn’t perfect. What can I do to perform better next time?”

• You see yourself in the mirror and don’t like it. Maybe you think “You look bad. No wonder you feel so bad!” – How would it feel if you’d think “I may look tired today. Maybe my body needs some extra love instead of criticism today.”

Have you noticed something?

These are classic examples of learned self-talk. Some people have been raised by very harsh parents who may have said negative things like the sentences above or even worse to their kids. Adults who have been raised by critical parents tend to have a very negative self-image.

Be your own teacher and learn to have a better self-talk – it will change your identity and self-confidence over time.

Exercise: How would a friend talk to yourself?

Close your eyes. Remember (or imagine) a situation where you f*cked up or where you don’t know how to feel about it 100%.

Maybe a social moment at work where you felt insecure. Now imagine that but with a friend sitting next to you. They are there with you in that challenging moment. What do you think might they say?

“You are stupid and worthless” or “I know, it feels hard right now. But I’m proud of you for trying anyway.”

Talk with yourself like a close, loving friend would – you are worth it.

Why Wearing Words Can Actually Work

We at You Decide Who You Are think that wearing matching clothes with loving, supportive language can indeed make a change.

On one hand, it supports your identity – be it the “This world is a better place with you”-Hoodie or the “I’m still growing”-Tee. People will definitely react to it positively and you will feel nice walking it through town.

On the other hand, it’s a reminder of your own self-worth and of life’s beauty. Do you know our “Actually, life is beautiful and I have time”-Tee? It’s one of my favorites.

I can be very all over the place with my thoughts. This text could subtly remind me to chill out and calm down.

FAQ – What People Ask About Affirmations And Language

Are affirmations scientifically proven?

Yes. Look at the blogpost of Dr. David R Hamilton: “Scientists have discovered that when people write self-affirmations, they tend to subsequently make positive, healthy life-choices and even feel a stronger, larger sense of self.” Of course there are many more studies that support this notion.

What makes a good affirmation?

As we’ve already mentioned above, a good affirmation should be realistic, true to yourself and be somewhat empowering for the future. It should give you a positive, realistic push in everyday life.

Can words actually change your mindset?

I think this post has proven it: They can. And if you don’t believe us, believe the scientists that made studies about it. Words – and especially your self-talk – will change how you view yourself over time.

Why do some affirmations feel fake?

Because they just don’t fit you and aren’t human. Saying “I’m the best” might be a good motivational saying for a fitness athlete, but it doesn’t serve you well if you want to change your inner self talk. 

Where can I learn more about affirmations?

The authors over at psychologytoday.com made a whole page with a lot of scientifically backed discoveries about affirmations. Head there to learn more about positive self talk.

Final Words – Speak Kindly To Yourself

Everyone has it: The constant stream of self-talk that’s pouring down on us. Why can’t we make it positive and friendly? I think we can.

People will notice if you speak kindly to yourself as you will carry yourself more with ease, chill and generally in a relaxed manner. Of course, changing old patterns that you may have learned over years or even decades isn’t an easy thing.

Start slow, be gentle and incorporate positive affirmations into your daily life – be it via Post-Its, reminders on your phone or with one of our Mental Health pieces.